Clarity, Part 2

Clarity, Part 2

There are many different items which writers need to revise in their work in order to make it flow better. Below is my thoughts on four different types of improvements that can be made to my QRG. 

• Shifts: In order to keep awkward shifts to a minimum it is important to make the point of view constantly consistent. This was interesting to me because I had not really put much thought into it but rather it was just an underlying notion. Another topic brought to mind was to make verbs consistent in mood and voice. I don't usually think of verbs having a mood or voice but by reading this section it was interesting to start to understand how you can employ these ideas to ensure no awkward shifts. 
• Emphasis: This section highly recommended coordinating equal ideas while also coordinating subordinate minor ideas. A writer can do this by using coordinating conjunctions and or adverbs. This way the major ideas will be emphasized in parallel ways while the more minor ideas will have less of an emphasis. 
• Variety: I have always struggled with adding variety to my writing, especially in sentence structure. This reading section brought to my attention attempting to invert sentences in order to mix up the sentence types. A writer can also vary his or her sentence structure in order to add variety to the writing which is something that became much more clarifies in this section. There are many different ways to adding variety to sentence structure by word choice or grammatical composition. 
• Wordy Sentences: I think it is very easy to add to much detail into a sentence and make it to wordy. One thing brought to my attention was an effort to cut inflated phrases. I think this is a really important thing in writing because it is easy to bulk up sentences with quite a bit of "fluff" rather than just write about the most important items. 

"Grammar Fan" 10/31/08 via Falling Fifth. Creative Commons Attribution.

Revising Draft of QRG: 

• In my draft of the QRG I realized that I have very little variation in sentence structure. I tried to work on adding different sentence elements such as quotes, shorter sentences and longer sentences. 
• On example was the addition of the quote: "As an island with finite resources, we cannot afford further mismanagement." I think it is effective to change up the structure with quotes because it adds an element of reliability for the reader through first hand experiences.
• I had quite a few wordy sentences in my draft and I tried to work on making them flow better and be less confusing for the readers. Below is a reworked sentence that I reworked to make less confusing.
• Although the debate has gained much speed in recent months there has been much talk about the building of telescopes in Hawaii for years.